Johnathan Croom · Life—only real when shared.

We Will Miss You John Bear!

Johnathan Croom Passed Away August 18, 2013

A memorial and celebration of life was held at the Arizona Golf resort on September 7, 2013

Hundreds of people attended and shared hours of stories and testimonies about John’s impact on their life. There were so many people impacted by John’s caring and love towards others. He lived a life principled by the love of God and the desire to love others. He made everyone feel special.

John loved his family and they loved him. The tragedy was that he confided in people more concerned with keeping his secrets than helping him overcome his secret struggle with depression. Even John’s brother was not aware of the struggle John was confiding to these secret associations. The two of them had been roommates for six months after embarking out to begin the journey of adulthood as they shared an apartment and attended college together. John put on a happy face for his friends and family and developed a few associations with people incapable of truly helping him and pulling him out a struggle with serious pain and depression. If even one person had shared John’s secret struggle with his parents or an authority figure, John’s life story would not have ended so soon.

John’s story brought international attention in the press. There are thousands of stories about parents who have been impacted by the events in John’s and his family’s life. Parents and teens all over the place have opened broken or non-existent communication among themselves.

John remains a part of our lives because we know that he knew God in Christ and that he has gone ahead of us and is present with the Lord. We will be reunited in the resurrection. Not a day goes by that we don’t mention him and miss him. He will forever be in our thoughts and he will remain a part of who we are. We carry John in our hearts and rejoice that we will see him again at the end of the age.

John struggled much as the apostle Paul between his desire to help others and the desire to depart and be with Christ.

Phillipians 1:19-26

For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit from my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell. For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you. And being confident of this, I know that I shall remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy of faith, that your rejoicing for me may be more abundant in Jesus Christ by my coming to you again.

Oh, I Shouldn’t Have Done That

Do you ever get those moment where you just think to yourself, “Oh. I shouldn’t have done that?”

That just happened. I definitely should not have made chicken sandwich. I definitely should not have put agave on that chicken. I definitely should have stopped eating it after the first bite. I definitely will need to poo later.

Oh. I shouldn’t have done that.

Thursday

I’m walking to my mailbox listening to Mary Jane’s Last Dance. I really want to write more, so I’m kind of just forcing myself to write even though I don’t have anything on my mind.

I was thinking about going and meeting random strangers and then writing about them, but I don’t know about that idea so much anymore (since I thought it three minutes ago).

A better idea, and one I will surely follow through with, is reading more. I’m going to read an entire book by the end of this weekend.

So things are well, but vain. I’ve done nothing of any value whatsoever in days. Onward I go.

I want to produce more. I want to start a business. I want to live.

Blog Directions

Back in August, when I was originally started this blog, it didn’t have any real direction (as if it does now), and I wrote some pretty interesting things that I want to overanalyze.

About nine months ago, I wrote:

I want to teach people to live extraordinarily unusual, fun, exhilarating lives. In order to do so, I need to be living the excitement myself. This blog is my attempt at living that life so that I can pass it on to others.

I started this blog after reading many Impossible HQ blog posts. I felt inspired to live a new, improved life and “a life worth writing about,” as Joel would say. I even created a page containing a list of (somewhat) extreme things I’d like to accomplish, like his. I started this blog with intentions of making my life exhilarating and profound, but it has hardly been that. It has rather been filled with anger, resentment, and depression.

At that same time, I also wrote:

Johnathan is a simple person. He keeps people motivated in order to motivate himself and spends his spare time being inspirational and quoting himself. He’s searching for his purpose in the world and writing about the adventure called Life. He isn’t a big believer in careers, but rather making dreams reality.

I sometimes think that I’m some insanely complex person, but in reality I am not. I’m just a simple person who enjoys being intellectually challenged, and that loves to spread positivity and happiness. I do commonly find myself motivating other people, but I can’t guarantee that helps me any. I still enjoy it quite a lot.

I do like to think that I can be inspirational to others, but not all of the time. Just sometimes, when I feel like I have something to say. I do quote myself, just because I do say important things sometimes. Some of those quotes find their way to CandidCow, whether they’re actually good or not.

I am definitely searching for my purpose in the world and writing about Life.

Careers are too mumbo-jumbo-y for me. Just decide what you want to do, whatever that is, and do it. Call it a career if you want, I don’t care.

I like myself as a person. I’m positive and always pushing the world onward. I try my best to help the people around me and am always expecting people to improve themselves. I think I would be my friend, if I wasn’t me already, if that makes any sense. I think that’s a fantastic way to be.

I do recognize that I make very bad decisions, quite often. These decisions lead to a lot of remorse and unhappiness. I know I should just let these things go and push forward, as I’d recommend to anybody, but it’s hard. It’s hard to not constantly beat myself up about these things. It’s hard to see past all the mistakes and do something great.

I am trying though. I truly am. I know I will look back at these blog posts and smile. I will smile because I will remember the journey and what I’ve been through. I will look back and see how far I’ve come and I will know that anything is possible.

The Dream

Maybe I’ll have something more interesting to say than I did ten minutes ago.

So my dream, as of right now, is to run, maintain, and constantly improve a website and/or product that I love, while having the opportunity to constantly travel and experience the under-appreciated nature (trees, lakes, parks, sky, planets) and industry (buildings, design, technology) surrounding us on a day-to-day basis. I want to visit cities, but then also visit volcanoes.

As far as the website and/or product, I just want it to be something I care about and am passionate about. It should be something that I think is awesome like Automatic. I’m up to joining a team, in fact, that would be amazing, but I’m also up for starting solo and developing something from the ground up.

I know I’m destined to do great things, and the fact that drivers attempt to kill me on a daily basis and I somehow manage to survive, says that I’m supposed to be around and my time here isn’t finished. It’s only a matter of time and effort before I’ll be satisfied with what I’m doing and excited about what I’m working on.

I’m going to try and find that ideal team and product, and hopefully join them, or start something myself. I’ll keep you updated on that.

The Future

I did some light reading hoping to get some inspiration for writing tonight, and it worked. I’m inspired to think about the future.

What’s next for me? It’s something I should definitely be thinking about. I’ve spent more than the last year doing essentially nothing.

What exactly do I want to do? I don’t know, but I’d definitely like to be creating something.

I have a website idea in the works, but honestly, I’d like to ditch it and start 100% fresh. I feel there’s too many negative things associated with the current idea, and it just needs to get trashed.

So what’s next then? I’m thinking about just building myself up. Writing tech-related blog posts (maybe on a blog of my own, or for money elsewhere), refreshing my résumé, and that sort of thing. I definitely want to be actively working on something though. I want to work on something that I feel nice and passionate about.

I don’t know. I don’t feel like I’m making a lot of sense and I really don’t know what’s going on. All I know is that I’m looking for a career jump-start and my mind is mumbled with ideas.

Monday

I love Monday. Just like a person has no real reason for hating Monday, I have no real reason for loving it. It’s just always a good day. Maybe that’s a self-fulfilled prophecy, maybe not.

It makes me wonder if loving Monday and its actual greatness are somehow connected. That by looking forward to it and having a good attitude about it, I cause it to be a good day. Monday is always a good day.

Actually, I feel like I can generally make any day a good day. Sometimes my best days have the worst events and circumstances. It’s curious to think about.

I’m tired and rambling, goodnight friend.

Creation

I’m guilty of consuming more than I create. It’s a dangerous place to be. Our world today is filled with apps and websites that make consuming content too easy. You can flick through thousands of Instagram pictures and seemingly useless Facebook posts in a matter of minutes.

It’s so easy to spend an entire day browsing YouTube or reading emails. I’d much rather read a book, or create something, but this doesn’t always happen. I’d like to spend more of my time creating, and less consuming.

I’ve discovered, with the help of a very good friend, that one passion in my life is creating. I’m passionate about creating things. Whether it is programming, drawing, or building furniture, I love it, and it makes me incredibly happy. I hope I can get myself to create more in the future, because that’s what brings me some happiness.

And most of all, I hope that I can create long-term, healthy relationships with people, and someday (hopefully soon), a business that I can call my own.

What’s the deal?

That’s the question of today. Today sucked. It basically consisted of unwanted sleeping, a crappy omelette, boring restaurant work, and that’s all.

I did get into a pretty good conversation with Joseph at work though. It was just about people, happiness and life. It was definitely a good one, and I got his phone number because I plan on having more conversations like it.

I spent a lot of time talking to customers today about a variety of subjects from tipping, to the weather, to car crashes, and traveling, and more weather. Everyone enjoys talking about how hot it is. I didn’t wear deodorant today on accident, but I didn’t notice too much despite spending the afternoon outside.

Before work, I had a bit of a dilemma in the car. I pondered life and all sorts of interesting topics that I’ve now forgotten. I know I felt horrible and sad and angry. It had a lot to do with my bad morning probably, but also just a lot to do with me in general.

So what’s the deal? (I’m in the process of remembering some of those big thoughts from driving to work). Why is it that I can be so unhappy even though things are good? Why can I be so dark and angry when everything in generally awesome? Is everyone like this? Is there something wrong with me?

Sometimes I just want to wallow in self-pity and improve nothing, but most of the time I sincerely want things to improve. I want to feel happy and satisfied with things.

I’m going to start writing things that I’m grateful for because I feel like grateful people are happy people, and ungrateful people can’t be happy.

What am I grateful for? That’s easy! There’s so many great things in my life. I have a wonderful home. I feel safe and comfortable and it’s fantastic to have my own creative space. I have two fantastic jobs that bring in more than enough income. I have a wonderful brother who I am very close with and can relate to in incredible ways.

I have an amazing girlfriend, who I can love. I have a couple really good friends that I can share experiences with. I have two great parents who are always there to support whatever it is that I want to do and will always be by my side in any way I need them. I’m healthy, extremely healthy. I have good problem solving skills that help me succeed in everything that I do.

I am past high school, finally, and have more college credits than others my age. I have many job-specific skills in the web industry. I have a perfectly-running vehicle that I love dearly. I have a nice telescope that satisfies my astronomical desires. I have an iPhone that is the perfect mobile device. I have an old, but trustworthy, MacBook that has served me extremely well.

I could probably go on and on about things that I’m grateful for, but this is enough for today. Look at all of the wonderful things in my life. I have nothing to be unhappy about. Nothing, not one thing, should be able to keep me from happiness.

Cheers, to happiness.

I ended up pushing a car numerous miles immediately following the writing of this.

Johnathan Croom · Life—only real when shared.