Johnathan Croom · Life—only real when shared.

Thursday

I’m walking to my mailbox listening to Mary Jane’s Last Dance. I really want to write more, so I’m kind of just forcing myself to write even though I don’t have anything on my mind.

I was thinking about going and meeting random strangers and then writing about them, but I don’t know about that idea so much anymore (since I thought it three minutes ago).

A better idea, and one I will surely follow through with, is reading more. I’m going to read an entire book by the end of this weekend.

So things are well, but vain. I’ve done nothing of any value whatsoever in days. Onward I go.

I want to produce more. I want to start a business. I want to live.

Blog Directions

Back in August, when I was originally started this blog, it didn’t have any real direction (as if it does now), and I wrote some pretty interesting things that I want to overanalyze.

About nine months ago, I wrote:

I want to teach people to live extraordinarily unusual, fun, exhilarating lives. In order to do so, I need to be living the excitement myself. This blog is my attempt at living that life so that I can pass it on to others.

I started this blog after reading many Impossible HQ blog posts. I felt inspired to live a new, improved life and “a life worth writing about,” as Joel would say. I even created a page containing a list of (somewhat) extreme things I’d like to accomplish, like his. I started this blog with intentions of making my life exhilarating and profound, but it has hardly been that. It has rather been filled with anger, resentment, and depression.

At that same time, I also wrote:

Johnathan is a simple person. He keeps people motivated in order to motivate himself and spends his spare time being inspirational and quoting himself. He’s searching for his purpose in the world and writing about the adventure called Life. He isn’t a big believer in careers, but rather making dreams reality.

I sometimes think that I’m some insanely complex person, but in reality I am not. I’m just a simple person who enjoys being intellectually challenged, and that loves to spread positivity and happiness. I do commonly find myself motivating other people, but I can’t guarantee that helps me any. I still enjoy it quite a lot.

I do like to think that I can be inspirational to others, but not all of the time. Just sometimes, when I feel like I have something to say. I do quote myself, just because I do say important things sometimes. Some of those quotes find their way to CandidCow, whether they’re actually good or not.

I am definitely searching for my purpose in the world and writing about Life.

Careers are too mumbo-jumbo-y for me. Just decide what you want to do, whatever that is, and do it. Call it a career if you want, I don’t care.

I like myself as a person. I’m positive and always pushing the world onward. I try my best to help the people around me and am always expecting people to improve themselves. I think I would be my friend, if I wasn’t me already, if that makes any sense. I think that’s a fantastic way to be.

I do recognize that I make very bad decisions, quite often. These decisions lead to a lot of remorse and unhappiness. I know I should just let these things go and push forward, as I’d recommend to anybody, but it’s hard. It’s hard to not constantly beat myself up about these things. It’s hard to see past all the mistakes and do something great.

I am trying though. I truly am. I know I will look back at these blog posts and smile. I will smile because I will remember the journey and what I’ve been through. I will look back and see how far I’ve come and I will know that anything is possible.

The Dream

Maybe I’ll have something more interesting to say than I did ten minutes ago.

So my dream, as of right now, is to run, maintain, and constantly improve a website and/or product that I love, while having the opportunity to constantly travel and experience the under-appreciated nature (trees, lakes, parks, sky, planets) and industry (buildings, design, technology) surrounding us on a day-to-day basis. I want to visit cities, but then also visit volcanoes.

As far as the website and/or product, I just want it to be something I care about and am passionate about. It should be something that I think is awesome like Automatic. I’m up to joining a team, in fact, that would be amazing, but I’m also up for starting solo and developing something from the ground up.

I know I’m destined to do great things, and the fact that drivers attempt to kill me on a daily basis and I somehow manage to survive, says that I’m supposed to be around and my time here isn’t finished. It’s only a matter of time and effort before I’ll be satisfied with what I’m doing and excited about what I’m working on.

I’m going to try and find that ideal team and product, and hopefully join them, or start something myself. I’ll keep you updated on that.

The Future

I did some light reading hoping to get some inspiration for writing tonight, and it worked. I’m inspired to think about the future.

What’s next for me? It’s something I should definitely be thinking about. I’ve spent more than the last year doing essentially nothing.

What exactly do I want to do? I don’t know, but I’d definitely like to be creating something.

I have a website idea in the works, but honestly, I’d like to ditch it and start 100% fresh. I feel there’s too many negative things associated with the current idea, and it just needs to get trashed.

So what’s next then? I’m thinking about just building myself up. Writing tech-related blog posts (maybe on a blog of my own, or for money elsewhere), refreshing my résumé, and that sort of thing. I definitely want to be actively working on something though. I want to work on something that I feel nice and passionate about.

I don’t know. I don’t feel like I’m making a lot of sense and I really don’t know what’s going on. All I know is that I’m looking for a career jump-start and my mind is mumbled with ideas.

Monday

I love Monday. Just like a person has no real reason for hating Monday, I have no real reason for loving it. It’s just always a good day. Maybe that’s a self-fulfilled prophecy, maybe not.

It makes me wonder if loving Monday and its actual greatness are somehow connected. That by looking forward to it and having a good attitude about it, I cause it to be a good day. Monday is always a good day.

Actually, I feel like I can generally make any day a good day. Sometimes my best days have the worst events and circumstances. It’s curious to think about.

I’m tired and rambling, goodnight friend.

Creation

I’m guilty of consuming more than I create. It’s a dangerous place to be. Our world today is filled with apps and websites that make consuming content too easy. You can flick through thousands of Instagram pictures and seemingly useless Facebook posts in a matter of minutes.

It’s so easy to spend an entire day browsing YouTube or reading emails. I’d much rather read a book, or create something, but this doesn’t always happen. I’d like to spend more of my time creating, and less consuming.

I’ve discovered, with the help of a very good friend, that one passion in my life is creating. I’m passionate about creating things. Whether it is programming, drawing, or building furniture, I love it, and it makes me incredibly happy. I hope I can get myself to create more in the future, because that’s what brings me some happiness.

And most of all, I hope that I can create long-term, healthy relationships with people, and someday (hopefully soon), a business that I can call my own.

What’s the deal?

That’s the question of today. Today sucked. It basically consisted of unwanted sleeping, a crappy omelette, boring restaurant work, and that’s all.

I did get into a pretty good conversation with Joseph at work though. It was just about people, happiness and life. It was definitely a good one, and I got his phone number because I plan on having more conversations like it.

I spent a lot of time talking to customers today about a variety of subjects from tipping, to the weather, to car crashes, and traveling, and more weather. Everyone enjoys talking about how hot it is. I didn’t wear deodorant today on accident, but I didn’t notice too much despite spending the afternoon outside.

Before work, I had a bit of a dilemma in the car. I pondered life and all sorts of interesting topics that I’ve now forgotten. I know I felt horrible and sad and angry. It had a lot to do with my bad morning probably, but also just a lot to do with me in general.

So what’s the deal? (I’m in the process of remembering some of those big thoughts from driving to work). Why is it that I can be so unhappy even though things are good? Why can I be so dark and angry when everything in generally awesome? Is everyone like this? Is there something wrong with me?

Sometimes I just want to wallow in self-pity and improve nothing, but most of the time I sincerely want things to improve. I want to feel happy and satisfied with things.

I’m going to start writing things that I’m grateful for because I feel like grateful people are happy people, and ungrateful people can’t be happy.

What am I grateful for? That’s easy! There’s so many great things in my life. I have a wonderful home. I feel safe and comfortable and it’s fantastic to have my own creative space. I have two fantastic jobs that bring in more than enough income. I have a wonderful brother who I am very close with and can relate to in incredible ways.

I have an amazing girlfriend, who I can love. I have a couple really good friends that I can share experiences with. I have two great parents who are always there to support whatever it is that I want to do and will always be by my side in any way I need them. I’m healthy, extremely healthy. I have good problem solving skills that help me succeed in everything that I do.

I am past high school, finally, and have more college credits than others my age. I have many job-specific skills in the web industry. I have a perfectly-running vehicle that I love dearly. I have a nice telescope that satisfies my astronomical desires. I have an iPhone that is the perfect mobile device. I have an old, but trustworthy, MacBook that has served me extremely well.

I could probably go on and on about things that I’m grateful for, but this is enough for today. Look at all of the wonderful things in my life. I have nothing to be unhappy about. Nothing, not one thing, should be able to keep me from happiness.

Cheers, to happiness.

I ended up pushing a car numerous miles immediately following the writing of this.

The untied tie

I haven’t written in a while. I wish I would write more, but these post ideas really just come so arbitrarily.

I love ties. I don’t know why. Not wearing a tie makes me want to cry.

But seriously, ties are great. They’re a completely useless piece of clothing that is fun to tie and they just look great. Think about it: what other clothing do you wear for no reason at all?

I have two ties. I wear them when I work at the restaurant, and occasionally just for fun. I’d like to wear ties more, but I don’t really have the attire to match.

One thing that I think is important, is that I untie my tie after I wear it. I always do. I feel like tying my tie when I wear it is an important part of wearing it, and it would be wrong if I kept it tied.

Other than tying ties, I’ve been programming personal websites, funding Kickstarter projects, and cooking food. Life has a positive outlook, though sadness and inner badness still linger. All is well my friend, and I hope the same to you.

Categorized Catch-up

I just read through the history of my blog. It’s really gotten a lot better. It started out very scattered and random, and then was too detailed, and has now become a perfect place for self-expression. Though, I’ve noticed that a lot has happened that I’ve neglected to mention. So here goes a catch-up of my life.

School
After getting my GED, I signed up to a full-time set of college classes. I then proceeded to move 25 miles away and consequently struggled to attend and be passionate about them. I, regrettably, dropped out for the semester. I now intend, though not yet official, to go to Mesa Community College. I need to get that figured out soon.

Work
I haven’t written a line of code for money since the beginning of December and I’m glad. I don’t know that I’ll ever desire client work again. It has scarred me. Regardless, I moved on to selling vacuums, but my interest in that faded quickly. I now work at a restaurant part-time and that seems to be going well.

Home life
The home life is superb. I just got my hands on a dining set, table and four chairs, as well as a coffee table. The coffee table proudly displays a chess set from Hawaii that I received as a gift. Today, in fact, I got my first plant, a little lucky bamboo that’s presented proudly on our table. I hope to get some more plants and continue the home improvement, but living on my own is wonderful. There’s not a worry or distraction in the world and I absolutely love it.

Projects
So I’ve (rather recently) started up on some new projects or revived old ones in an attempt to reignite my life. I’m trying to keep CandidCow alive, and I’ve also been working on an awesome auction-type website idea. Karissa and I are working on translating CandidCow onto Instagram and maybe starting a tee shirt company as well. All ideas in the works. I really do hope I can spark something successful and make a decent couple of dollars.

Personal
I don’t think I’ve missed a lot in the personal category. I can tell from my previous posts that I’m passionate about people and passionate about my lack of interest in things. I’m severely unhappy, but I’m working on it. I really am.

As always, I hope this post has brought some light into my life and shown a little about me that you may not have known. Life is good and I hope the same to you.

Bowls

Today we’re going to talk about bowls. You know, bowls. Those hollow half-circle things that hold stuff like spaghetti and pickles. They can hold anything really. Lemons, ice cream, water, squirrel carcass, and essentially everything imaginable.

Bowls are pretty great! They’re superior to plates in the sense that they don’t spill when the height of the contents gets.. well high.

There’s one bowl that’s extra special though. Toilet bowls. Who doesn’t love a good toilet bowl. It holds water (and doodoo), and can swish around in a circle! How cool is that. If you’ve never seen a toilet bowl flush, YouTube is the place to be. Or, if you’re more adventurous, you could possibly just find a restroom and have a go at it yourself.

I’m glad I got to share my new discovery with you guys: bowls. If you don’t have a few, I recommend them highly. Until next time, friends.

Johnathan Croom · Life—only real when shared.