Johnathan Croom · Life—only real when shared.

The untied tie

I haven’t written in a while. I wish I would write more, but these post ideas really just come so arbitrarily.

I love ties. I don’t know why. Not wearing a tie makes me want to cry.

But seriously, ties are great. They’re a completely useless piece of clothing that is fun to tie and they just look great. Think about it: what other clothing do you wear for no reason at all?

I have two ties. I wear them when I work at the restaurant, and occasionally just for fun. I’d like to wear ties more, but I don’t really have the attire to match.

One thing that I think is important, is that I untie my tie after I wear it. I always do. I feel like tying my tie when I wear it is an important part of wearing it, and it would be wrong if I kept it tied.

Other than tying ties, I’ve been programming personal websites, funding Kickstarter projects, and cooking food. Life has a positive outlook, though sadness and inner badness still linger. All is well my friend, and I hope the same to you.

Categorized Catch-up

I just read through the history of my blog. It’s really gotten a lot better. It started out very scattered and random, and then was too detailed, and has now become a perfect place for self-expression. Though, I’ve noticed that a lot has happened that I’ve neglected to mention. So here goes a catch-up of my life.

School
After getting my GED, I signed up to a full-time set of college classes. I then proceeded to move 25 miles away and consequently struggled to attend and be passionate about them. I, regrettably, dropped out for the semester. I now intend, though not yet official, to go to Mesa Community College. I need to get that figured out soon.

Work
I haven’t written a line of code for money since the beginning of December and I’m glad. I don’t know that I’ll ever desire client work again. It has scarred me. Regardless, I moved on to selling vacuums, but my interest in that faded quickly. I now work at a restaurant part-time and that seems to be going well.

Home life
The home life is superb. I just got my hands on a dining set, table and four chairs, as well as a coffee table. The coffee table proudly displays a chess set from Hawaii that I received as a gift. Today, in fact, I got my first plant, a little lucky bamboo that’s presented proudly on our table. I hope to get some more plants and continue the home improvement, but living on my own is wonderful. There’s not a worry or distraction in the world and I absolutely love it.

Projects
So I’ve (rather recently) started up on some new projects or revived old ones in an attempt to reignite my life. I’m trying to keep CandidCow alive, and I’ve also been working on an awesome auction-type website idea. Karissa and I are working on translating CandidCow onto Instagram and maybe starting a tee shirt company as well. All ideas in the works. I really do hope I can spark something successful and make a decent couple of dollars.

Personal
I don’t think I’ve missed a lot in the personal category. I can tell from my previous posts that I’m passionate about people and passionate about my lack of interest in things. I’m severely unhappy, but I’m working on it. I really am.

As always, I hope this post has brought some light into my life and shown a little about me that you may not have known. Life is good and I hope the same to you.

Bowls

Today we’re going to talk about bowls. You know, bowls. Those hollow half-circle things that hold stuff like spaghetti and pickles. They can hold anything really. Lemons, ice cream, water, squirrel carcass, and essentially everything imaginable.

Bowls are pretty great! They’re superior to plates in the sense that they don’t spill when the height of the contents gets.. well high.

There’s one bowl that’s extra special though. Toilet bowls. Who doesn’t love a good toilet bowl. It holds water (and doodoo), and can swish around in a circle! How cool is that. If you’ve never seen a toilet bowl flush, YouTube is the place to be. Or, if you’re more adventurous, you could possibly just find a restroom and have a go at it yourself.

I’m glad I got to share my new discovery with you guys: bowls. If you don’t have a few, I recommend them highly. Until next time, friends.

Sleep

So put pretty simply, I’ve seriously wrecked my sleeping habits more than a few times in my life. There’s long periods where I can remember waking up at 2-4 in the afternoon, and shorter periods I can remember happily waking up at 5 in the morning. Having experienced both extremes, and everything in between, I have come to prefer waking up early. That’s not to say I actually do it.

My sleep is all out of whack again, for a lot of reasons, but mainly just consequence of small wrong decisions (and the lack of determination to fix it). So, starting today, I’m going to try and move my wake-up time to about 5-6am. Today, I got up at 5am, and have since cooked a nice wholesome breakfast.

So why early? Well mainly two reasons. Firstly, I feel so much happier and refreshed when I don’t sleep for 12 freaking hours, and that’s easy to do when you wake up at noon. Also, I enjoy the early hours of the day much more than the nighttime. Both are fabulously deserted, but the morning brings along energy and hope for the day instead of tiredness and darkness. I happen to know from experience that I can get a lot more done in the morning than at night, too.

So that’s all there is to it. I spent yesterday preparing, and I got up this morning naturally (no alarm). This is day one of many. I have radically changed my sleeping habits before, and I am confident that I can do it again.

Stuff

1992 Toyota Celica being towed

Nothing matters but people. Everything else is just stuff. Movies, school, cars, food, the weather, trees, it’s all just stuff. None of it matters. All that matters is raw, true emotion. The kind of emotion that comes from a deep meditation of the mind. The kind of emotion that happens when you’re doing what you love, in my case, singing.

Everything is just a huge pile of distracting bullshit. Everything distracts you from living life for real. We’re all, myself included, too worried about being offended and not worried enough about enjoying life. Who cares if it’s too cold for comfort. Who cares if you don’t have a dinner table. Who cares if you don’t have time to eat in the morning. Who cares if you have a headache. None of that stuff matters. You’re not going to remember any of that when you look back.

I’m sick of everything being so goddamn perfect. I want some imperfection! I want mistakes and troubles and struggle. I want to remember having to overcome huge battles instead of remembering that I didn’t eat toast this morning.

All I want is to feel alive. I want to be excited.

Wonderful Wednesday

I don’t know that I have a lot to say, but I wanted to let myself know that I still exist. That is, because I write these for myself. If you are, in fact, not Johnathan, then let me say HELLO! Uh oh, did I scare you? That was not my intention. I merely wanted to also recognize your existence, and thank you for visiting my records of life.

If these are going to be the records of my life, I might as well record something. Okay here goes some thoughts.

I feel like I’m not the same exciting, energetic person I once was. That somewhere along my path I’ve lost the excitement and enthusiasm that I brought into everything that I did, whether I liked it or not. I did not realize until recently how much of an impact I made on the people in my past, that by barging into my history class every Wednesday and declaring it was a wonderful Wednesday I, somehow, improved lives.

So as always, I’d like to work on it. Maybe try and figure out what happened and why I’m such a grumpy cat nowadays. So to a happier, more goofy Johnny.

Something That Matters

I want to be doing something that matters. Something that’s changing lives. Something that’s improving the world. Something that I can love to do and be passionate about. Something that gives the days meaning.

Endless Life in a Mortal Dream

Endless Life in a Mortal Dream. I wrote that. I’m not sure what it means, but it came out very naturally without thought or revision, so I will procede to overanalyze it to draw some sort of positive conclusion.

Endless life is simple enough, the idea of immortality, or living forever. But living forever, in a mortal dream? What is a mortal dream? (I’m currently researching via the Internet). It turns out that Empty Your Heart of its Mortal Dream is the title of a Scottish album. Curious. So now I’m listening to strange Scottish music and pondering my random sentence.

This seems interesting, but I don’t have a clue what it is talking about. I kind of dig this Scottish album though.

The notion of a mortal dream seems to be present in this poem by William Butler Yeats:

The Host­ing of the Sidhe

The host is rid­ing from Knocknarea
And over the grave of Clooth-na-Bare;
Caoilte toss­ing his burn­ing hair,
And Niamh call­ing “Away, come away:
Empty your heart of its mor­tal dream.
The winds awaken, the leaves whirl round,
Our cheeks are pale, our hair is unbound,
Our breasts are heav­ing, our eyes are agleam,
Our arms are wav­ing, our lips are apart;
And if any gaze on our rush­ing band,
We come between him and the deed of his hand,
We come between him and the hope of his heart.“
The host is rush­ing ‘twixt night and day,
Caoilte toss­ing his burn­ing hair,
And Niamh call­ing “Away, come away.”

Unfortunately I’m terrible with understanding poems, just as the rest of the population is likely terrible at deciphering my own poems. I’ve literally no idea what this is talking about.

And I’m stumbling onto some rather interesting stuff (from the website with the poem).

Don’t write for any­one but your­self. Don’t write for any­thing but what you feel. Write for the under­stand­ing, the dis­cov­ery, the plea­sure. It will be worth the time and effort. Why? Because you will know some­thing more, and what you know more will help you in life.

So I read a little of this, and don’t understand what I’m reading either. If anybody wants to fill me in on what I meant when I said “Endless Life in a Mortal Dream,” that would be great, otherwise, I’m done searching for now.

I was supposed to draw some sort of conclusion and here is what I concluded: Sometimes things don’t make a lot of sense.

Goals & Passion

I want to have goals! I want to be passionate!

I feel like I’m running around in circles in the middle of a forest, whatever that means. I’ve got no ambitions or passions, no goals, nothing to accomplish, nothing I’m trying to do. It’s ridiculous. It’s boring. I hate it.

What is it going to take for me to find something that I want to do, something that I want to pursue, something that I want to accomplish? I need to live. I feel like I am alive, but I’m not living.

And a poem:

Little blue telephone pole
Pineapples manufactured by Dole
Endless life in a mortal dream
Caterpillars and lima beans
Alice has a lazy eye
Sometimes people want to die

And another for the sake of seeming serious:

I am alive but oh so dead
Days are lived inside my head
There’s not a thing I love to do
Not a thing, except write to you
I hope to create a change
To make this life a lot less lame
I’ll tell you of my travels
And just hope that they’ll unravel

Seriousness

Here we go. Going to keep this short but this is just popping up in the noggin right now.

I wish that we didn’t take anything serious. I feel like I do a pretty good job at being completely unserious about everything, but I could still improve. I wish that I was always the crazy John that I am when I’m alone.

Anyway, your car payment, messed up restaurant order, happiness, lack of transportation, college bills, the internet, clothes, muffins, NONE OF IT MATTERS. It just doesn’t! I say we could all care a little less about everything in our life and start caring a little more about each other. I’m going for it. I’m going to be happy about what I have and stop caring about anything that’s not a human being or some form of life. Booyah.

Johnathan Croom · Life—only real when shared.